I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
