I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
