I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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