Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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