need another drink. this is the easiest way
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
