How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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