C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
