He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
