Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
