New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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