i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
