My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
