i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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