did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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