I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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