last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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