We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
