i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
