when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
