Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
