it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
