They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
