9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
