So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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