So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no you cant smoke seaweed
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
