he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
