Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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