I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
