She is in my trunk
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
