Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
that's an acceptable place to lick
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
PANTIES FOUND
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