Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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