Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
