I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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