I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The beers last night were like the tears from god
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
