just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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