your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
