we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
