I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
only if we run a train.
done.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
