forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
