i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
