I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
