Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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