Pants 0. Shit 1.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I party with great urgency now.
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