He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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