When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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