i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
