Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
