I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
