Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
