yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
