you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how drunk are you?
Several
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
